Puja Gokarn
Love has been defined time and again over the ages by the romantics, the idealists, the realists, the cynics, the jilted and heartbroken, the sarcastic, the wisecracks and more importantly the wise. I think the most important and the most common hand-me-down explanation of it, though, is that sure, it begins all beautiful, rosy and butterflies in your stomach, but love is something that has to be worked at, fed and nurtured every single day; be it any kind of love.
So while you’re freshly in love or even a few years into it and overwhelmed by it, pledging your ‘forever’s to each other with all the sincerity in the world, here’s how you can actually work at a forever and make it come true –
1.Explore – Explore each other and explore together. It’s a much reiterated line, ‘You’re never done getting to know someone’; but people overlook an important line like that an appalling number of times. There lie all your answers. Explore each other. Never stop taking an interest in each other because no matter how much you know of a person, there’s always more. Explore life together, because nothing brings you closer than what you go through together. Find activities you can share or things you can learn together. Make impulse plans and travel to places – together.
2.Communicate – This will require an increasing amount of effort as more time passes in your relationship, but the day you give up on this or take this for granted is the day your relationship starts to gather rust. Talk about yourselves, about your day, about your issues with each other and other people – and listen. Listen with trust, respect and understanding. Seek advice and opinion, and don’t be judgemental or rigid when you do. Always always always be there for each other no matter what and don’t fight about whose problems are bigger and who doesn’t understand. Most importantly, fight fair. Don’t nag. Don’t hurt because you can or to get back. Stick to where the problem is.
3.Romance – This has not been made to only give you the thrills while the relationship is still fresh and marvel at in movies or book. It’s a very important ingredient to get you through some of the blandest and bitterest times of your relationship. Fish it out of your storage and sprinkle it generously to have your relationship simmer away on sparks just as it did in the beginning. Leave notes for each other, tell your other half what they mean to you and how you feel, surprise each other, go on dates, make occasions out of days and most importantly spend quality time with each other and celebrate being together. This will never let you forget what is so special about this person being in your life.
4.Physical Intimacy – Never underestimate the power and the importance of sex in your relationship. This builds intimacy, trust and comfort level. It makes you lose all your inhibitions and gives you self-confidence as well as a way to enjoy each other. You needn’t always have chemistry aligned by the stars. You can build it here; not just here but this is a crucial step for chemistry. It always helps you come closer on more than a physical level and helps you overcome some of your worst fights. This is where you can get adventurous, try new things, surprise your partner, get to know him/her better and consequently spice up your relationship.
5.Self – ‘Let there be spaces in your togetherness’ said the wise prophet Kahlil Gibran. There was this girl in my college who was in the perfect relationship with the perfect guy. We envied her a lot; so once when she chirped stubbornly to a friend ‘I have my own indentity!’, we mocked the life out of the shrill defiant sparrow stand she took for herself. Too many lost loves later, I understood the importance of her statement. Never lose yourself and become do jism ek jaan in your relationship. Retain who you were before your relationship and while your selves blend, let them maintain their own individual flavour. ‘Me’ time is just as important as ‘us’ time. Spend time with your friends, make new friends, enjoy your work and the other things you like, pursue your goals and bucket lists. This will ensure that you keep liking yourself and remind your partner why he/she fell in love with you.
Love is an extremely beautiful thing and gets even more so as the years go by. Ever love story is special, but the ones that grow and last nourish you and your life in a way nothing else can. So go out there and fight to have your love story make its memorable way into your own happily ever after.
Image Source : Gareth Williams
